take a look at this image. it’s all the photos in my 2020 instagram (so far). what do most of them have in common? it’s not a trick question. the answer is easy, right? they are selfies. do you think that’s by accident? absolutely not.
at the beginning of this year, in the archaic Before Times era, i made a decision to only put my face in social media posts. no more sunsets i thought were pretty, unless my face was in them. no more jpgs advertising shows i was playing. no more activist images or slogans. no more snapshots of the gorgeous western mass landscape in which i am fortunate enough to live. none of it, unless my face was in the picture. it’s not that i think those images aren’t right or appropriate, it’s just that i suspected you did not see them when i posted them. and if something isnt seen on social media, it did not happen.
so in the beginning of 2020 despite great personal reluctance, i embarked on an experiment and then, having seen the results, i have maintained my committment to it.
i use social media for one reason only - to get people interested in my music. that interest is not necessarily for monetary gain (there is very little of that meaningfully left in the music business), it is to solidify and expand the platform from which i present songs, songs i like that i hope people find useful for their lives. that’s it. it’s not so you can get to know me, though i suppose that’s a nice side effect. and i do enjoy seeing your comments and hearing about your lives. but at heart, it’s simple - i’m trying to build a pipeline that is wide, true, and direct for the music.
the “face experiment” has been a wild success, as i suspected it would be. posts with my face in them are seen by an average of 5 times more people than posts without my face in them. the few moments this year i have dared to put something else up, it is as though the post never happened. the numbers fall off a cliff. the pipeline vanishes, and i suspect that’s to neither of our benefits.
i do not like looking at my face that much. who does? i do not like the constant hum of my brain wondering if this moment or that one is good for a selfie, and if so, how can i use it maximally. it’s not my nature at all. i used to make a joke about it in the Before Times… #moreface i sometimes tagged pictures of #myface in order to dispel my queasiness. but this year i have tolerated this hum and queasiness for the simple fact that it’s worked. my social media has grown faster these last 6 months than at any other time in my career. my spotify numbers are up. all during a before times when i wasn’t really touring and now a global pando in which time i have very little news to share.
i should say, “tolerated until recently”. in the last month, the last thing i have wanted to do is put another white-ass face on social media. and getting people to pay attention to my music has been the last thing on my mind. there are more important things in the world, really. now, i know that music and artistry are important, and providing folks with energy and healing is good work for the Movement. but also, there’s a time and place for everything. i thought about just going quiet til i felt like the time was right to use my platforms again as i have before. for example, this newsletter always feels right to me! but then i also understand that silence by white folks isnt an option either if you are committed to trying to be anti-racist (as opposed to not being racist).
thus, i have kept putting my face on posts so you will see them. that’s the only reason. it makes me feel gross. but i wanted you to know why. what a distinctly 2020 problem… that in order for me to do anti-racist work on my social media, i have to show the algorithm my white-ass face.
a side note: the comment i get the most by far, online or off, whether i have released my first music video in 7 years, played an online show with dar williams, posted a thoughtful musing and genuine question on reparations, or tried to highlight a new song i am proud of, is “your hair is so cool”.
thank you! i am pleased you like it. i do care about it and the message it sends - individuality, strength, queerness, an embrace of a natural aging process. but the response also feels dissonant to me. and honestly makes me wonder if anyone is listening to anything else i have to say or sing. i could be wrong! i want to be wrong! but a recent article in VICE (!!) highlighted queer quarantine haircuts and cites me as an inspiration. i suppose there are worse things, but really, i am trying to do more than just look cool.**
speaking of, please please please check out the recommendations this month. they are full of good resources for white people. and also please take the time to listen and share a new essay i wrote on being small in the pando, brought to you by my excellent friends at “our plague year” podcast. i am very proud of it. and some of you may find it validating and useful.
stay safe, stay sane this month. mask it or casket. i love you all!
x erin
** topic for another newsletter - “hair as trojan horse”. YAY or NEIGH!?!?
¡ME GUSTA! : SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
good reading for white people i have done this month: How To Be An Anti-Racist (Ibram X Kendi), How We Fight For Our Lives (Saeed Jones), Sing Unburied Sing (Jesmyn Ward). and if you haven't read The Yellow House (Sarah M. Broom), you must.
more good reading for white people on reparations: a recent article by Nikole Hannah-Jones and the classic one by Ta-Nehisi Coates.
speaking of reparations, please don't venmo "reparations" to random black people. this pod delves into why this is ultra lame.