pertinacia omnium rerum
defiance in all things!!
if you don’t follow my instagram stories, then you don’t know i am obsessed with red foxes. get on it! i use images of foxes to share how i am feeling and to comment on the news. and because they are insta stories, they stick around for 24hrs then disappear. my favorite kind of social media. it’s been a fun and light-hearted diversion i’ve sure been enjoying in the pando.
a few weeks ago (days? months? who cares!) one particular image felt especially perfect for me.
something in the pose of these foxes expressed an individuality and a defiance that spoke loudly. these are core values for me, and, in my humble opinion, pillars of my personality that have served me well. i am also kind and grounded and generous, but my persistence and committment to my own voice seem to have always been part of me. and in fact i have used the image of a fox before to express these things.
you may remember my song “you cannot” from my 2017 EP MIRRORS BREAK BACK. it’s based on a dream i had in late 2016. if you haven’t heard me tell this story onstage, the quick version is this: in the dream i came upon a tiny red fox kit, perfectly clean and dry amongst a pile of disgustingly dirty new england slush. i put the little fox in the front pocket of my hoodie (can we say #millennialwomb??), and every once in awhile, the fox would poke its adorable head out and bite me. hard. i didn’t mind.
“it’s ok little fox,” i’d say each time, “you can be as wild as you want to be.”
later in the dream i took the fox with me to CVS where we bought “depression tears”, a product that seemed completely real and logical within the dream. you find it in the eye care aisle, right next to the contact lens solution.
profound.
by the way, of course my therapist loves this dream!
anyway! foxes! they mean so much to me. so when the picture of the foxes came across my instagram feed, it stirred something in me. in that moment, i decided i needed the clarifying power of a personal motto. a good old fashioned motto to express how the picture made me feel. the kind of phrase you organize your self around. who doesn’t love a motto?
in god we trust
sic semper tyrannis
keep your eyes on the prize
per aspera ad astra
as some of you may recall from this last example, i have tangled with latin mottos before, to useful effect, i think. i took latin for 4 years. believe it or not my first performance ever was at the Virginia Junior Classical League talent show in 1994. i sang an original song and an indigo girls cover with my friend hudson. i also won a gold medal on my exam.
looking at that fox in my feed, i decided my motto must be like the fox: simple, clean, wild, a survivor. it came to me easily:
DEFIANCE IN ALL THINGS!!!
for the latin nerds that’s…. PERTINACIA OMNIUM RERUM*.
why am i sharing all this with you, this first week of january 2021? i find myself reaching for this motto quite a lot lately. there’s something about the current moment that has me feeling cranky. and when i’m feeling cranky, i lean *into* that crankiness. in a moment that feels so depleted, i need to tap into another level of resilience and reserve.
DEFIANCE IN ALL THINGS!!!
to me defiance defines a persistence and a continual questioning that holds everyone, including myself, to account. in my mind, defiance is also in a spirit of play. nothing is too sacred. i respect everyone the same. it’s notable to me that in this moment, defiance is what i find myself reaching for again and again.
why should 2021 be any better than 2020? it seems foolish with what we’ve learned in the last 10 months to make any predictions about the future. aren’t we free-er when we live in the day? for me, my defiance, my refusal in the face of 2021 optimism and pollyanna-inanity, actually feels conversely energizing in just the way i need. it fills me, maybe not with hope, but with a certain frisson of energy. dare i say, defiance feels like it can buoy me through what will absolutely be an uncertain future.
i’ll close with this: fuck a new year’s diet. fuck “turning over a new leaf”. regardless of the calendar, how do you want to think of yourself today? if you had a personal motto, what would it be? and how would you use it to help you??
it's ok, little fox, be as wild as you want to be.
defiance in all things!
x erin
* one of the things that makes latin so brilliant is that it has lots of options and translations for everything, so i called my pal dave whom i’ve known since kindergarten. dave is a latin teacher now, taking the place of the legendary hard-ass, but awesome, latin teacher at our old high school. if nothing else, i am grateful that my motto gave me the chance to connect with an old friend. here’s a picture of us at someone’s birthday party. dave is behind me in the striped shirt.
** this month's ¡ME GUSTA! is some personal activities. next month, i'll get back to recommending other stuff!
¡ME GUSTA! : SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
i could not be more proud of my student Alex Daviau as he released his brand new EP "falling asleep & falling in love". Alex wrote, recorded, produced and mixed everything!!
want to work on your own writing? a reminder that i teach privately through my #CABINCOLLEGE. a few spots remain for the spring!!
i love western massachusetts! let's celebrate that love & benefit 3 amazing organizations: the institute for the musical arts, the shea theater, and north star learning with the virtual Get Down With Your Hometown Festival. local and national acts of all sorts! from the comfort of your home!
i'll be leaving my house... for a gig! a livestreamed episode of Signature Sounds Home Sessions. i'll be interviewed by dear friend and mentor jim olsen as celebrate the 25th anniversary of the label that gave me my start
modeled after the legendary sessions by suzan-lori parks at the Public Theater, you can Watch Me Work at 2p ET on four days in february & march. i'll be turning on my zoom, sharing my screen and... making stuff while you watch. details below!