today’s audio is the original demo of “how to be a lady” from my album grand, which just turned 23 on june 10, and which date incidentally would have been the 103rd birthday of judy garland, the guiding spirit of the album.
my friend dave chalfant and i played “how to be a lady” just once, through a pair of mics in the control room of his home studio as we prepped for the big, expensive recording session that would lead to the album version of the song. even though i had yet to finish writing, eventually adding another verse and chorus, i have always preferred this friendly, off-the-cuff version.
i am well aware of all my albums’ birthdays. much like having kids i suspect, you remember your life around when each album was made or released.
“that was just after sing you sinners came out”
or
“i was working on manifestra at the time”
while these memories will always form my internal navigation system, i’ve decided to stop celebrating my albums’ birthdays publicly, with reissues and photo retrospectives and such. i did a big push for distillation’s 10th and 20th, with tours and concerts and webstreams, and i did a 10th Anniversary vinyl reissue for hundreds of lions. every time i do this, i have regretted it immediately. i don’t want to be looking back, it’s anathema to me as an artist. i have the limited resource of your attention; i have the limited resource of my own time; i think my best work is happening now, etc etc.
and yet! the impulse to look back is strong. it’s middle age! so i try to reconcile my forward and backward impulses here on Fax of Life.
anyway, i was thinking of this song in relation to this episode for a number of reasons. one of which is that in the commradery around the death of my pal jill sobule, i was sent a number of pictures of myself around 2009-2010, including one very specific one at the wedding of some very close friends. we had arranged for jill to surprise them by playing their favorite song of hers as the first dance.
i have always known that my gender is fluid, that my definition of what and how to be a lady is expansive and ironic and playful, but i was still shocked by my gender presentation in these wedding photos. i am wearing very expensive, calf-high black italian-leather boots (which jill had turned me on to), fishnets, and a very tight, short dress with a snakeskin print. my hair, totally brown, was very very long and worn down.
photo by angela jimenez
if i wore such an outfit now, it would be drag. which is cool, of course. and i would do it because i like drag and love theater and costume. but it just underscores in a very visual, visceral way the paths i have taken as i’ve evolved into my current self. i wonder how it will be in 2040? when i look at pictures of 2025, what will i think? what will i be wearing? how will i be expressing myself? i’m excited to see.
hey yall! summer is here and it’s time to ramp up for a busy july of concerts.
starting july 9, i’ll be doing a string of shows in varying lineups with matt the electrician, natalia zukerman, kris delmhorst, and stephen claire as we trade songs from our collective songwriting group. the shows are advertised under the moniker “family game night”, and i guarantee you hijinx and poignancy will be afoot. we’re in boston, new hampshire, beacon NY, and a hiking concert in western mass. erinmckeown.com/shows for all the details.
on july 12, i’ll be doing a special program at steepletop, the estate of poet edna st. vincent millay, in austerlitz NY. we’ll do a short hike, then i’ll play a set of songs relevant to millay’s work. the whole day will be festive with tours, programming, and activities for the whole family. millay.org for tickets and info.
on july 19, i have the great honor of stepping in for jill sobule to perform at the Women of Rehoboth Beach DE pride weekend. i’ll be on an evening bill with legendary comedian karen williams. i went to rehoboth a ton as a kid, what a deep full-circle moment.
stay tuned for more fall dates, in addition to my tour with podcast pals Welcome to Night Vale. 2 free premium seats to anyone who is willing to help me sell merch. complete dates up at erinmckeown.com/shows.
do you know someone who would enjoy the Fax of Life? please consider introducing them to the pod. or are you someone who enjoys listening and would like an added dash of moral superiority? consider becoming a subscriber. you get nothing extra except the pleasure of knowing you are a better person than most.
as always, thank you for listening!!
earlier this year, i started a social media project called #deployeveryinstrument, part of my efforts to reclaim the dirty-ing of the term DEI, which i covered on the opening episode of this 4th season of Fax Of Life.
i had noticed at the end of 2024, as i took a social media break, that what i had been posting was almost never music. i was never singing or playing in real time. i was always talking about what i would be doing, or static photos of what i had done. so i have a made a concerted effort to be more in the now, more lively, more current.
half a year into the project, i have settled into a lovely routine. i don’t think too hard on what to play for the videos, i try not to spend too much time on them. the only thing i really pay attention to is the rotation of all the instruments i am deploying, making sure to give each of them roughly equal time.
the response has been lovely. the vids are doing great by all the metrics, the comments have been warm and supportive.
(except for the dude who recently commented on a video of me, clearly a fiddle novice, writing “spend $10 and get a tuner”. dude! do you know how fucking hard it is to play the violin? do you think i don’t go to bed at night, every night, knowing i can’t yet play the violin in tune? i blocked him.)
and i am enjoying the accumulation, always my favorite art process, of seeing the videos stack up as the months tick by.
but i also noticed something in seeing the vids all on one page and seeing some recent comments.
i am always smiling. i mean, this isn’t a total surprise. i make sure i am smiling when i turn the vid on, and i do a screen capture of that smile so when i upload the videos to social media, that smile is the first frame and therefore the preview image in your app.
i know all this. i have been doing it on purpose for months.
but for the first time, i asked myself why. WHY AM I SMILING ALL THE TIME? WHY AM I MAKING SURE YOU SEE ME SMILE?
all of a sudden i felt called out, by my own self. because, of course, smiling is the way i have been taught from childhood to be a lady. number one on the list of being woman is having a nice smile, not too big or toothy, but an easy, effortless, welcoming face arrangement. this is the smile i use in the screen caps, this is one i have perfected over the years. the one i use in selfies, the one i use in group photos. the one i use in photo shoots and videos. i can hold it forever.
it is not the smile i used as a very small kid. that one was a grin, pure and simple. and it’s not the smile i used as a teenager in olan mills photos, when i was forcing myself to participate in a family i was terrified in. that one was tight-lipped and gripped.
it is not the smile that spontaneously appears on my face when i am genuinely happy. that one, to my forever embarrassment, is very gummy. but i have to respect it, there’s nothing i can do about it, anyway.
i have to admit, and maybe this isn’t that earth shattering either, that i am still trying to be a lady in the sense of making you, the watcher of my videos, of my content, feel relaxed, welcomed and content. i do believe in hospitality as a love language. but i am also telegraphing, SO HARD, that i am unthreatening, me and my little whimsical videos that studiously avoid gaza, trans rights, the violence of immigration enforcement, the rising tide of fascism in america.
oops! did i say that? no no, i didn’t. you can tell i was kidding, you can tell nothing is bothering me, i’m not avoiding anything or anyone or any feelings. what. so. ever. i am ok ok ok ok. everything is fine… it’s fine!! IT’S FINE!!
…because i am smiling.
x erin
ps - watching dogs swim is my happy place
¡ME GUSTA! : SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!
OMG OMG OMG my new “turn your brain off” obsession 🐈⬛🐈 also i am a new michelladonna fan!!
i have several friends with greyhounds, and i have come to appreciate the breed so much. a fascinating and hard article about racing in west virginia
omg pope leo’s family tree is everything!! literally
the pee wee herman doc is as good as advertised. i was so lucky to be a child in the era of pee wee’s playhouse
great great discussion of the sports-washing of NFL-sanctioned flag football, which i am not yet a fan of
more stories about how astronaut sally ride was gay, please
i love showbiz bios and memoirs, and this new one about desi arnaz is… boffo!! also it lead me to this profile of an even earlier lady TV pioneer
UPCOMING SHOWS
2025
now - June 2026 - Fredericksburg VA
Fredericksburg Area Museum
Out And About: The Walk-in Closet
VISIT
June 27, 2025 - Bryn Mawr PA
The Point, 20th Anniv
TICKETS
FAMILY GAME NIGHT TOUR
July 9, 2025 - Boston MA
with Matt The Electrician, Natalia Zukerman, Kris Delmhorst
TICKETS
**live stream will be available for purchase starting the week before
July 10, 2025 - Exeter NH
with Matt The Electrician, Natalia Zukerman, Kris Delmhorst
TICKETS
July 11, 2025 - Beacon NY
with Matt The Electrician, Natalia Zukerman, Stephen Claire
TICKETS
July 13, 2025 - Windsor MA
Hiking Concert with Matt The Electrician, Natalia Zukerman
TICKETS
July 12, 2025 - Austerlitz NY
Hiking Concert at Edna St. Vincent Millay Estate
TICKETS
July 19, 2025 - Rehoboth Beach DE
Women of Rehoboth Pride Night
TICKETS
October 22, 2025 - Austin TX
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
October 23, 2025 - Dallas TX
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
October 24, 2025 - Oklahoma City OK
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
October 25, 2025 - Lawrence KS
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
October 27, 2025 - St Louis MA
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
October 28, 2025 - Indianapolis
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
October 30, 2025 - Toronto ON
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
October 31, 2025 - Detroit MI
As The Weather with Welcome To Night Vale
TICKETS
2026
April 10-May 10, 2026 - Chicago IL
World Premiere of OUT HERE @ Court Theatre
TICKETS & INFO
Aug 17-27 - Scotland
10 Day Tour of the Scottish Borderlands
TICKETS & INFO
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