a bad haircut

the morning after

Nov 06, 2024

Transcript

today’s audio is one of my brand new anti-holiday songs, just released on the EP “F*CK U TOO”. more on that later.

i’m writing and recording this pod at 11:51 AM on wednesday nov 6. for many years now i have tried to keep to the schedule of putting out a newsletter on the 1st and 3rd wednesday of every month. i usually write them a few days before, and for that reason plus others i don’t usually peg them to the news. the internet is a strange place where things live forever, so i usually want to cover topics and put out music that lives beyond a certain specific moment. i want to make things that can be useful for a long time.

but today is different. we all know why today is different. but do i have to say it out loud? i didn’t write my pod until now because i knew we’d be living in either a different, brighter world or returning to a familiar, dark one. who could have predicted? and so today’s fax is an imperfectly edited, not edited at all, reaction.

last night, i turned my phone off from 630-9p, and i reached the end of my downton abbey re-watch project with 2022’s film, A New Era. not a great film, a little too “singing in the rain”, but i’ll take it. nothing comforts me like downton abbey, and it’s really helped me handle the anxiety of the last month or so.

when i turned my phone back on, the momentum of the night was clear. i hung in until 10p or so then i threw in the towel and went to sleep. i was surprised i could. but then i woke up around 530a and the world was what it was.

here we are. i am sure your feeds are full of helpful things. so far this morning i have seen wonderful prayers and calls to grieve and rousing inspirational quotes. my inbox has filled with folks’ substacks. my phone has been pinging with texts from friends and neighbors checking in, and i have been doing the same.

in the midst of all this, carl still needs care and feeding, and that’s been a balm. while he has no idea about the election. he certainly knows that dad was up later than usual last night and that the vibes are way off this morning. he’s been very sweet and clingy. but also undeterred from his priorities: food, more food, cuddles, other dogs, more cuddles, and resting his giant head somewhere soft while he naps.

all that adds up to life goes on. on the 1st and 3rd wednesdays of the month i make my pod. here we are.

yesterday after carl and i finished our afternoon walk, i had about 20 minutes before i had to get on a late zoom meeting. who schedules these things??? i guess i know people that do. but what to do in those 20 minutes? how to manage the approaching poll closings and the ramping up of TV coverage?

i decided to give myself a haircut. this is in and of itself is not that unusual. i have cut my own hair for the last 20+ years. this way i can blame no one but myself for the misfires that inevitably occur along the way. we have all had bad haircuts, and we have all been mad at the person that gave them to us. it just feels better to be mad at myself in those cases.

i usually do it once a year, and mostly because i have some sort of tour or photo or video thingy and i feel motivated to look my best. but there hasn’t been anything like that on my calendar for awhile, thus my hair was long and unruly and had been on my to-do list for weeks.

when i cut my hair, i love to take my time. i do layers. i spend a lot of the time in a dance of two mirrors, checking my work. it sometimes takes an hour or so. i put on a pod, i settle in. i cut for length and layers, then i razor out for texture.

but yesterday, i was determined to do it all in 20 minutes. i felt compelled to do it in 20 minutes. some people were stress eating, and i decided to stress haircut. and to take off significant length. and so i did with predictable results: i now have a bad haircut.

the first thing i always tell my songwriting students is that SONGS AREN’T PRECIOUS. it’s both a mantra and a provocation. you may write songs you like more than others, songs that connect with audiences more than others, but none of them are precious. they are not to be carved in stone, dipped in amber, polished and put up on the mantle, otherwise you’ll never write another. and the ones you do write will have too much pressure on them. songs don’t do well with pressure. songs are fish. you catch one, then go catch some more. you hang on to them, they rot.

haircuts to me are much the same. and honestly, having a bad haircut right now feels like the right thing. please don’t tell me it’s cute or you like it! (ok, go ahead and tell me i’m cute)

i want to feel different today. i want to feel awkward. i want to be weird barbie, proudly sporting my hasty and imperfect haircut. i want to feel like today is the start of something, not the end. something to grow from. i want my grief and fear and wildest anxieties to be externalized in my chopped up bangs, the poor transition of length from top of my head to back, in my unruly cowlicks sprouting on one side. i have sort of a deflated soufflé of hair on the other. i want to look in the mirror, be unsatisfied, and also know that this moment is not forever.

hair grows back. we can cut it again. and shape it however we choose.

alright, enough profundity! i don’t think i need to further underline the metaphor.

i’m just going to close this out with a reminder to find something that makes you laugh today. i humbly offer F*CK U TOO, available on all the services. i also made a new version of the hymnal, with all the new songs plus all your old favorites from F*CK THAT!

and i also humbly offer the promise of laughs and community at my four december anti-holiday shows. when i booked them i didn’t know if they’d be celebrations, or pockets of resistance. now it seems like the latter, so join us: december 3 in chicago, december 7 in northampton MA, december 19 in boston, and december 21 in brooklyn. come sing and share some wry delights together in a room.

x erin

pictured below: carl clings / rests his giant head.