today’s audio is my song “that sunday sound” from my 2017 release “mirrors break back”. after making a concerted effort to release a hopeful EP about acceptance and positivity on 2015’s “according to us”, i felt the dawning trump-era was a fertile time to explore the darker sides of my self-hood… vices like self-hatred and defiance.
what i found though, was that try as i might to explore these murkier depths, i kept writing songs that ended up in the light of clear water. every song on “mirrors break back” surfaces in a better place than it started. oh well, you can take the songwriter out of hope, but i guess you can’t take the hope out of the songwriter.
as a quick note for folks following the larger arc, this song originated as an entry in the weekly song game group. the prompt was “FEVER OF MY DISTANCE”.
speaking of the game, i was chatting with my dear pal and game comrade natalia zukerman this morning about something else entirely (i will be a mentor at the upcoming NERFA conference, nov 21-24 in portland ME, sign up) when i asked her what she thought my next pod should be.
“dressing rooms,” she said. “like, how they are usually utility closets.”
i’ve heard from other friends and listeners that they like hearing these behind-the-scenes stories, so with that in mind… dressing rooms, a survey and a meditation.
we all have a private self and a public self. the person who rolls out of bed in the morning is not the person who goes to the office, or who shows up at your house to install your cable, or who serves you food at your favorite lunch spot. to get ready, we clean up, we change clothes, we make choices to be ready, confident, and prepared to greet the outside world and do our job.
and it seems obvious that most of us would take care with our appearance and attitude before going to work or out on a date. we often have uniforms to put on or we want to rock a new outfit to impress. and if you’re a performer, getting ready for a show is no different. you need a space to change into your most presentable self.
since we’re usually on the road, that space is the dressing room. again, obvious. even if you’ve never been a performer, you have seen dressing rooms on tv and in movies. you’ve probably been in a locker room, which in hockey is conveniently called a dressing room.
but as a fame adjacent performer, what i have experienced as a dressing room is rarely anything like you imagine. sure, when i am tour with bigger outfits like my pals Welcome To Night Vale, or playing as the fifth Mountain Goat, or all my years opening for Ani Difranco, i more often than not had a nice dressing room: a place to sit, a mirror, a toilet, a door that shut.
but the range of spaces i have gotten ready in before my own shows, is nothing short of astounding.
many are some smaller, more basic version of what a dressing room should be. and they might be missing one or two of the elements listed above. but they are good enough to make do. after all these years, i’ve got my needs and routines down pat and don’t need much. i always bring my own mirror, a small towel (as recommended by the hitchhikers guide), a bag of tea and a jar of honey, my own utensil set, and a collapsible kettle. its a bit like camping, but its enough to get ready and be my best self for a show.
but sometimes, things get wack.
i cant tell you how many offices i have used as a dressing room, making space for myself amidst file cabinets, paperwork, trash, printers, fax machines, and bookshelves. a venue in the bay area had a couch tucked in the back corner of their liquor storage room, and i got ready amongst towers of beer cases, shelves of vodkas and mixers.
sometimes the dressing room is a basement. if you are lucky there is some place clean to sit, but i have also gotten ready using kegs as a table and chair set. functional kegs! that hissed and popped as they were pulled on at the upstairs bar. sometimes these basements are so poorly lit, your cellphone flashlight becomes necessary.
to be honest, i don’t even need a mirror or light to do my show makeup and hair at this point. before i started bringing my own mirror, i often used the reflective surface of a nearby fridge or cooler to check my work before heading out to perform.
or i would pop out to my van and use those mirrors. more times than i can count, my van or rental car has been a better choice than the actual dressing room offered. at least there i have a clean place to sit, some quiet, and a place to check my reflection.
if the weather is nice, i actually love getting ready in my van. and i’ll do my vocal warm-ups outside, usually a few blocks from the venue, or tucked away in a nearby alley where no one can hear me.
in the winter, things get trickier. often what’s offered as a dressing room is not properly heated. i have gotten ready for many winter time shows in my jacket, gloves and hat. there’s an art to this! but making do is what we do.
besides, offices, basements, there are also dressing rooms that are classrooms or libraries, and yes the aforementioned utility closet. you think natalia exaggerates but she doesn’t. and i would rather a utility closet than a classroom where three sides are windows with no drapes or blinds, and the audience watches you eat your sad salad alone at a small table as they walk into the venue. true story.
a final category, one with a track record of highly mixed results, is the band house. many venues will have a separate space to use as a dressing room - a stand alone house across the parking lot. an apartment around the corner or above the venue. some of these places are incredible! i’ve been to ones that have bedrooms, full kitchens, tv, laundry, pinball and pool. you’re often offered overnight accommodations and that’s just the best. a clean, well stocked homelike space is a gold standard. but some of these band houses might as well be drug dens. and some clearly are!
i remember playing at local 506, a legendary rock venue in chapel hill north carolina, sometime in the early 2000s. at that time, the dressing room was an apartment around the block and up some stairs. i swear to you we had to avoid the needles and vials on the sofas and carpets. and the bathrooms literally looked like someone or something had recently died in them. it was horrifying and surreal and completely unuseable as a dressing room. so instead we got ready in the van then went back to the apartment for a pre-show photoshoot. we pretended to be using and OD’ing. because of course we did and we were fools.
this fall, i’m teaching a songwriting class at the parlor room here in northampton, but if you don’t live here, the class is hybrid, and you can fully participate in real time via zoom. we’ll meet on sep 22, oct 6, oct 20, nov 3, nov 17, and on dec 1 we’ll have a public performance. i’ll be sharing the basic principles of my songwriting process, leading you through some lyrical and musical prompts, and helping you get going on developing your own process. extra fun bonus, you’ll meet and collaborate with other writers. for more info and to register click here.
i’m going to do some F*CK THAT! shows this year. dec 3 at SPACE in chicago, dec 7 at the iron horse in northampton, dec 19 at club passim in boston, and dec 21 at the jalopy theater in brooklyn. mark your calendars and save the dates! tickets will be on sale soon for boston, chicago and new york.
ALSO, for each of these shows, i am looking for a chorus of Cranky Carolers. you’ll join me onstage and sing along to the songs of F*CK THAT! wearing your worst anti-holiday outfits. you get a CD of F*CK THAT!, a hymnal, and the joy of being an anti-holiday comrade. if you’d like to join me, drop me a line erin@erinmckeown.com with your city in the subject line.
alright! that’s it for the news. don’t forget to scroll down for the complete list of shows and my fabulous pop culture recommendations, ¡ME GUSTA!
meantime, thank you for listening, reading, and subscribing however you choose to do it!
at this point you might be asking yourself, why don’t you just use the bathroom at the venue? this is a reasonable question, but let me offer a few thoughts.
firstly, you do sometimes use the venue bathroom. often to simply go to the bathroom, because you don’t have your own private one. no performer wants to do this, of course, but sometimes it’s the best option. but it’s never cool. we’re here building a mystery, selling a fantasy, even if we’re the only ones who believe or care about it. it’s like seeing the bride before the wedding, you’re just not supposed to.
depending on the line for the bathroom or amount of stalls available, you might have seen me getting ready in there. i have a terrible preference for the handicap stall, i’m sorry, because the rails and extra room make taking care of your nice clothes easier. i am always embarrassed to see folks pre-show in the bathroom. like somehow i have cheapened their magical experience with my earthly needs. other times people don’t seem to know it’s me. or they do a double take and say something to the effect of “oh, youre in here??” mortifying.
but in a crowded venue, a big show, on a special night, i will admit that i have peed in the alleyway or if that’s not available, into a cup in my van then dumped it on the curb. some dressing rooms can only be accessed by crossing the stage in front of the assembling audience, and if they don’t have a bathroom, those are the worst. i am not ashamed to say in those cases, myself and others have peed in cups, water bottles, or trashcans to preserve the mystery and the hype of the moment we appear onstage for you.
i wonder how many of you at this point are shocked, grossed out, or disappointed to hear all these stories. while it’s fun to recount them, i want to make sure that you know it’s in the spirit of giving you a fuller picture of the life i choose and love. i am so grateful to get to play shows for you, no matter the facilities. and anyway, if you haven’t changed into an all-white ensemble in a hot, festival port-a-potty then you are not a professional musician.
besides, every once in awhile, you do find a small venue that has delicious food, clean bathrooms for the patrons, functional sound, and a great backstage setup for the musicians. we all love those places. you love to go to shows there, and i love to play there. but i am sad to say dear reader, all those wonderful features are usually signs of a venue that won’t last. if i have learned one thing in all my years, a dressing room nicer than the venue is sure sign the venue is doomed.
one final note: dressing rooms of all sorts often have the charming tradition of being covered in graffiti from past performers. you can spend your whole pre-show reading the names of heroes, friends, and strangers. and many venues have their own graffiti sub-traditions… the ark in ann arbor and the tractor in seattle each have punny themed walls. the walls of the old tin angel in philadelphia were a who’s who of people who created the modern singer-songwriter genre.
i used to always sign the same spot with the date of my performance, and it was thrilling to see that list grow year after year. sometimes you’d spot a friend’s name and leave them a hello for the next time they came through.
but. and. graffiti is what it is. and plenty of places also had acres of filthy drawings on their walls. usually crude drawings and jokes of male genitalia. the saint, a legendary rock club in asbury park new jersey, was also legendary for it’s disgusting sofa and walls covered in penis drawings.
the otto bar in baltimore has two floors of dressing rooms, the lower ones being nice and for the headliner and the upper rooms being barren shit holes for the openers. one of those rooms was entirely covered in penises. yes, even the ceiling.
i was there one time opening for the mountain goats, and while they were onstage headlining, i finally had enough. i borrowed a sharpie and spent the entirety of their set trying to offset the dicks. you do what you can.
x erin
here are some men, for scale. nb: these are good men.
¡ME GUSTA! : SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!
i’ve always been curious what would happen to my voice if i took T (testosterone) (i’m not planning on it, just fascinated). this wonderful musician and writer explores it for themself.
i love all things period/british/absurd. add on phenomenal performances and a true story. wow!! wicked little letters! and then here’s the actual archives from the event.
i also love documentaries about music or sports subcultures (cricket! junior college football! formula one!). here is an outstanding one about competitive high school mariachi in texas.
mlb superstar shohei ohtani has the best dog (besides carl).
i wish more people were more honest about friendship.
if you don’t know about Old Bay, get onboard. and then check out this unbelievable story about its surprising origins.
UPCOMING SHOWS
now - June 2026 - Fredericksburg VA
Fredericksburg Area Museum
Out And About: The Walk-in Closet
VISIT
Sep 26 - Greenfield MA
Greenfield Community College
supporting the GCC Food Pantry
FREE but donations encouraged
INFO & REGISTRATION
Sep 22-Dec 1, 2024 - Northampton MA
6 Week Songwriting Class - In Person or Hybrid via Zoom
INFO & REGISTRATION
Nov 22-24, 2024 - Portland ME
Speaking and Performing at NERFA
INFO & REGISTRATION
December 3, 2024 - Chicago IL
F*CK THAT! Anti-Holiday Spectacular @ SPACE
Save The Date! Tix Onsale Soon!
December 7, 2024 - Northampton MA
F*CK THAT! Anti-Holiday Spectacular @ Iron Horse
TICKETS
December 19, 2024 - Boston MA
F*CK THAT! Anti-Holiday Spectacular @ Club Passim
Save The Date! Tix Onsale Soon!
December 21, 2024 - Brooklyn NY
F*CK THAT! Anti-Holiday Spectacular @ Jalopy Theatre
Save The Date! Tix Onsale Soon!
Reminder, Erin does not appear in productions of Miss You Like Hell
dressing dooms