your guide to the anti-holidays

seasonal wit and wisdom, MF-er

Nov 20, 2024

Transcript

today’s audio is my version of the holiday classic “what child is this?” from my newest EP of anti-holiday songs, F*CK U TOO! it features the excellent baby crying of happier valley comedy, a western mass-based improv theater and school. founding members of happier valley sang on the original F*CK THAT! so it’s extra nice to have them continue the anti-holiday tradition.

i’m going to get straight to the point, i am in a bad mood. this time of year is never my favorite, hence my ever-growing pile of anti-holiday songs. starting around the week before thanksgiving, i feel a growing tightness in my jaw. my shoulders inch up closer to my ears. my temper gets shorter, and i second guess my tone all the time. was i just rude to that salesperson? did i write a too-terse email?

this year, add in the violent and unjust state of the world, plus the recent election results, and i am positively negative. welcome to the holiday season! or as i prefer to call it, the anti-holiday season.

back in 2011, when i made F*CK THAT! i, and as it turned out, many others found relief in adding some dark humor to this time of year. we found joy in pushing back at the claustrophobic narrative that this is the most joyful time of year. i’ve always been a bit of a contrarian, so it was on-brand. i like to laugh. i don’t think anything should be taken too seriously. “wear life like a loose garment,” someone once said. whenever i hear that phrase, i think of a generous caftan or mumu, perhaps patterned with carl’s face all over it. you can get anything on etsy.

look closely 🦌🦌🦌🍆

speaking of gift-giving, one of the things i revolt against most this time of year, is the emphasis on conspicuous consumption. time for a new car? here are 50 things you can buy your in-laws! black friday shopping and rush delivery free shipping. the tide often overwhelms me.

maybe you feel the same as i do? or maybe you feel a little bit like i do, but also love christmas and have a dark sense of humor? maybe you just straight-up love christmas, but your loving heart allows room for those who may have more complex feelings and family systems. whatever your angle this time of year, i do think there’s a laugh and a smile waiting for you in F*CK THAT!, F*CK U TOO!, and my guide to the anti-holidays, which i’ll offer on the other side of the break.

hey yall! i want to start off with gratitude. we’re closing out the third season of Fax Of Life, and i am thankful for everyone who listens or reads. an extra special thank you to those of you that subscribe. you’re pure of heart and going to heaven. don’t yet subscribe? you too can join these saints!

i’ve got a show this weekend i am really really jazzed about. i’ll have the opportunity to share the stage with a hero and mentor of mine, the amazing patty larkin. we’ll be playing this saturday nov 23 in bath maine. worth the drive if you can.

following that, i embark on my set of anti-holiday shows DEC 3 in chicago, DEC 7 in northampton MA, DEC 19 in boston, and DEC 21 in brooklyn. we’d love to see you and have a laugh.

tickets for all these are always found here.

there are also spots remaining in the cranky chorus for each of these shows, so drop me a line erin@erinmckeown.com to find out more.

and finally, on NOV 25 and 26, i’ll be participating in our local march for the western mass food bank. folks walk to raise awareness and money for food insecurity in our community. if you’d like to support the march, you can do so here. [by following the links on my socials] and if you live far away, let this be a reminder to think about how you might help those in your community who are struggling with the often invisible problem of food insecurity. any little bit helps!

alright yall - thanks for listening, and get out your pens and paper to take notes… it’s my guide to the anti-holidays!

the following is definitely advice and me getting up in your business, telling you what you should do for the next 6 weeks if you want to be happy. we’ll organize it with my timeless anti-holiday aphorisms, as found in the F*CK THAT hymnal, available starting at a mere $15 for the e-book or just $25 for the physical version. erinmckeown.com/store for details! welcome to my anti-holiday guide!

She Who Buys No Presents Is Richer

i would suggest trying to buy nothing this season. on the actual holiday, definitely don’t buy anything.

Let No Man Visit His Family
Who Does Not Wish It So

only go places that you want to go on christmas. and if you’re feeling high-minded, go visit another tradition. go check out what’s happening with your neighbor who celebrates in a different way than you.

Fruitcake Is The Devil’s Handiwork

eat local or mindfully. think about what you’re eating, about where it came from, who made it. i might even propose a radical christmas fast. i love to fast. it’s a great way to reset and prepare for a new year.

A Holiday Wish Sent Is Another Dead Tree

climate change is already effecting our lives in numerous ways. let the holidays be a time to think about sustainability. top of the list are christmas cards and wrapping paper. is there another, more personal and less material way you can let folks know you’re thinking of them? how about a phone call? what about giving gifts that are less about packaging and more about experiences and connection?

Bring Your Politics To The Table. Why Shouldn’t You? Someone Else Brought A Jello Mold

the time for making people comfortable is over. fostering understanding “across the aisle” did not work. hearing from “both sides” did not work. this might be too radical for you, but if it’s not, bring your whole self to the holidays. you’ll feel better.

Toys That Harm, Build Character

this one is obviously a joke. have a sense of humor, please! i would never advocate deliberately harming children. since i’m not a parent, i can’t really weigh in, but i will say that i enjoyed an independent childhood where i definitely had to pick myself up when i fell. within reason, let your kids be kids?

Accidents Can Happen
If You Plan Them Properly

while of course the dark connotation of this aphorism is a kind of “who, me?” when right-wing homophobic grandma falls over a stray trip wire, but let’s turn this one around. at the holidays, it’s extra important to leave space for the accident of grace. plan for spontaneity. put some wiggle in your schedule so that you can stay later someplace if it’s convivial and warm. go someplace new, show up where you’ve never shown up before, you never know what might happen.

and finally,

The Wise Woman Resists, Questions,
And Makes Her Own Fucking Holiday

randomly pick 10 days throughout the year and give gifts on those days. or find something you want to celebrate, and make your own holiday.

and with that i wish you a very happy anti-holiday season and… FUCK YOU!!

¡ME GUSTA! : SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!

the day after the election, my friend ben weaver re-upped this video. i needed it.
i found this essay by lydia polgreen very helpful in articulating just what i am feeling in this moment.
story teller ray christian has a wonderful podcast. as a fellow virginian, i found it particularly interesting, but there’s plenty for everyone to relate to.
a biography of irving berlin. more complicated man than i thought!
this might alienate some of you, but i ate up this documentary about the 2004 red sox.