before i begin, you’ll notice my voice is pretty rough. i have covid. more on that later, but first.
today’s audio is the demo i made on november 29, 2014 for the song “now i’m here” from the musical i wrote with my friend quiara alegría hudes, miss you like hell. i just came back from visiting a wonderful production of the show at theatre squared in fayetteville, arkansas, so the musical has been on my mind.
for those who don’t know, “miss you like hell” is a musical based on quiara’s play 26 Miles. it tells the story of a mother, beatriz, and her 16 year old daughter, olivia, as they take a road trip together across america. beatriz and olivia have been estranged in the aftermath of a terrible divorce and custody situation. they take this trip together to see if they can put their relationship back on some sort of loving footing. meanwhile, beatriz is in a citizenship process, and things are looking difficult.
however, the moment that olivia sings this song, is one of the many moments of joy and pleasure that are just as much a part of their story as all the hard stuff. olivia is behind the wheel for the first time, and this introverted bookish writer is having her world flipped inside out by the freedom of the road and the stunning beauty of the american landscape. for someone who often lived in her thoughts and detached, even dissociated, from her body, for olivia to be completely present, in the moment, and say “now i’m here” is a real milestone.
the process for writing this song was one of my favorites in our whole collaboration. on a beautiful fall afternoon, quiara and i sat in comfy chairs in her upper west side bedroom, looking out over the hudson. we wrote a lot of the musical on skype, but this was one of the times we were able to be in the same room together, and it only added to the bliss. with the simple scenario of olivia imagining all her favorite literary travel references coming to life before her eyes, we brainstormed every reference to travel we could think of. pages of them!
here are a few that didn’t make it into the song:
the big yellow taxi
willie loman’s oldsmobile
the magic bus
bonnie and clyde’s car
ben franklin’s kite
secretariat and sea biscuit
the iditarod
the polar express
beauty queen floats
the little engine that could
the lone ranger’s horse, silver
and on and on.
the next step was a common one for our practice. i would take our lyric and scenario ideas and then disappear into what we called “the sandbox” - really just my home studio in massachusetts - and i would mess around. play! just play! using the computer program logic, i would try out all kinds of different sounds, rhythms, and instruments in different combinations as i mumble-sang our lyric ideas.
i remember being in the sandbox for awhile with this one, and not being happy with anything i was finding. our first workshop was approaching, a big milestone in the life of a musical. it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if we just had a placeholder in this slot. that’s really common. and in fact, at that stage of a musical, it’s often not worth really trying to find the “big song” because so many moving pieces will remain moving pieces for months or years more.
but, after much fruitless digging in the sandbox, i did end up discovering something that turned out to be gold. i finished this first version of the song just days before our workshop was to start. the song felt right from the moment i found it, and quiara agreed. in hindsight, we had done such wonderful work in getting clear about what the song was about and why it needed to be sung, and our brainstorm was so rad and rich, that i’m not surprised the initial demo is pretty much how the song is now. at the end of this episode, you can hear the “final” version as performed by our original off-broadway cast. although in theater, no version is final because with every production and every performance, the actors, musicians, and audience collaborate to make each rendition unique and of it’s own moment. now we’re here.
hey yall, summer touring is quiet, but a slew of new productions of miss you like hell have just been announced, so check out the shows page on my website for those listings. also, the theater squared production will begin streaming its performances on june 21, so if you haven’t seen “miss you like hell”, or even if you have, this is a beautiful version.
we’ll keep it short this time, thanks for listening to my essay/pod/fusion here on substack. if you’re a free subscriber consider converting to being a paid subscriber. i am grateful for all yalls support.
my trip to fayetteville was an exercise in gratitude. i’d never been to arkansas before (now only hawaii and north dakota are left on my list) let alone performed there, let alone had a professional theater company mount a production of our musical there. the fact that i could go someplace as far away geographically, experientially, and politically as arkansas and find community and tremendous, diverse artists and audiences was a reminder to me that our country is big and awesome. don’t you put baby/america in a corner. it doesn’t work to say that arkansas is a red state, and therefore why should we northeast liberals bother. for one, i am from virginia and i know from experience the south is not a monolith! for another, it discounts the individuals living in these places who are, frankly, working way harder than i am to make change, just by being who they are in a more diverse community than mine, or maybe yours.
this reminds me to remind you to watch the outstanding HBO series “we’re here”.
i had a chance to meet the cast for a private breakfast and then chat with some of the amazing people who run the theater company. they all thanked me for coming and inspiring them. but honestly, it was the other way around. they energized me with the care and artistry they brought to our musical. they gave me life with their performances and community. and who knew that the ozarks were so damn beautiful. actually i did know that, but it was again a reminder to me that one of my very favorite things about america is our incredible landscapes, flora and fauna. i know things are really really messed up in our country right now, but it was the best and right kind of medicine to see the ozarks and put my feet in the scull creek and tanglewood branch, with their red clay and banks of sandstone and shale.
truth be told, i felt a bit like olivia on the trip, mind and heart opened up by the amazing people i met in one of our country’s great towns.
and… i got covid. could anything be more 2022 about this whole story??? after two and a half years of avoiding the virus, which honestly has mystified me with my touring schedule and public job, it finally happened. i couldn’t tell you where or how. i do know that i wore a mask every second of my travel and visit. the theater had great protocols. but almost no one in the airports or planes i was on wore masks. people ate inside like it was 2019. it was frustrating and, now that i am dealing with the consequences, enraging.
besides the first couple days, i haven’t felt that bad, so for that i am grateful. but carl is restless and bewildered. his usually very active life with his very active dog daddy has been in suspended animation for almost a week now. i bought him a loaded bloody mary dog toy to ease his boredom.
more seriously, i’ve had to reschedule some gigs and cancel the first workshop for a new musical i am working on. a delightful tease, i know, but more on that to come. besides looking forward to these activities, they were helping pay the rent for the summer. i cant believe its 2022, and i am nattering on about this stuff still. i can’t believe that i still have to cancel shows because people are tired of wearing masks.
but! here we are. now we’re here. this pandemic continues to serve hard and beautiful lessons, over and over. for every future plan i make, something takes me back to the present moment, whether its covid or a mountain or a song.
stay safe yall and please wear a mask in public!
x erin
¡ME GUSTA! : SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!
i loved this biking and running trail that winds through downtown fayetteville.
the writer and “still processing” host j wortham has a great newsletter. i really enjoyed this issue about quitting coffee.
street dentristy in the 19th century (yes it was a thing) included this amazing hat.
for those with a uterus, a shortage of tampons!! supply chain woes!
from the ace purveyor of “you didn’t know you cared about such things”, kathryn schulz’s article about shipping containers.
a necessary and very contemporary assessment of that bug-a-boo of writers: rhyme.
the origins of the word “bug-a-boo” aren’t *necessarily* racist, but they kind of are. i won’t use it again!
how people pronounce “uvalde” says alot.
some, but not enough, justice for native americans and bison in montana.
mariachis came from all over texas and farther to help uvalde grieve.
2022 IN-PERSON SHOWS
Sep 10 - Ashburnham MA - RESCHEDULE!!
Scenic Songs: A Hiking Concert
TICKETS
***
Jun 1 - Jul 17 - Fayetteville AR
Miss You Like Hell at Theatre Squared
TICKETS or STREAM
July 1 - 2 - Lancaster PA
Miss You Like Hell at Teatro Paloma
TICKETS
Nov 10 - 19 - Wilkes-Barre PA
Miss You Like Hell at King’s College
MORE INFO
Nov 17 - 21 - Richmond VA
Miss You Like Hell at University of Richmond
MORE INFO
If you have further questions or concerns about COVID protocols, please contact the venues directly.
Reminder, Erin does not appear in productions of Miss You Like Hell
now we're here